Raising a boy to be a man

photo courtesy of home.howstuffworks.com

Yesterday I received an email from my twins’ Kindergarten teacher. The school they attend is full-day, but only has 1 grade per class. It is a small school. We chose it for the curriculum and the location to the house. I am grateful the school is small enough teachers can tell the difference between my two boys (I think its easy, but sometimes when Im not paying attention…) Don’t even get me started about the hubs. He can’t EVER tell them apart. Gah!

With such a small school, the teachers and the parents can really work together to make sure the child is doing all they can to excel in school. The email I received today told me that Sean had peed all over the bathroom and refused to clean it up.

This was shocking, because well, Im a girl and can’t really pee all over the place without peeing on myself. So, this type of activity just baffles me at my core. Also, Sean is usually pretty good about his aim, sometimes, okay occasionally. By the time I got home, I was pretty upset. How embarrassing to be the mom of the kid who PEED everywhere, ugh! Gross!

Sean and I talked, he said he didn’t do it. I had to think to myself: Did my kid just lie to me to get out of trouble, or is he really telling the truth. So, I pulled a whammy. I said: “If I find out you are lying, and Ive gone to bat for you with the teacher – no summer camp and no going to Grandmas this summer.” Whoa!

All the while chanting to myself: Please don’t lie, please don’t lie, please don’t lie – mommy needs some down time this summer to study.

So, I asked his brother, Archie, who has done this sort of thing before when he couldn’t get his pants down fast enough. When it gets stuck straight up, he can’t control it and he pees everywhere. (At least that is what I HOPE happened. Something about buttons on pants.) Well, I made the same promise/threat to Archie. “Tell me truth and you will still go to Grandmas even if you have consequences for today’s actions.” Then, I laid down the guilt pretty thick with the “Whats your favorite thing to do at Grandmas? etc.”

Lo and behold, Archie – not Sean – peed all over the bathroom! He watched his brother take the rap for it and didn’t even speak up! When I found this out I was flabbergasted. Where was that ‘Twin Love’ Id always heard about? More like road kill after your brother throws you under the bus!

Had I done this as a child, my mom would have spanked my butt pretty hard, and grounded me FOREVER. I was MUCH more diabolical (I hope). I put the offender in his room, in bed for time-out. Which isn’t really that drastic, except I took out every stuffed animal, including his precious, his Baby Bear. Baby Bear has been around since the boys were almost 2 and has been a constant companion. After the meltdown calmed down, I used the feeling of loneliness Archie felt to compare with the loneliness Sean must have felt when he was abandoned by his brother not speaking up. We also role-played about what to say to the teacher if this happens again.

I only hope I got through and he actually remembers. Baby Bear was returned after lights out when he was mostly asleep. I only hope he has learned a valuable lesson: Honor means speaking up when you are afraid to. Honor means standing up for what is right, even when it is uncomfortable. Honor is doing the right thing. Because if I am growing my boys into great men, this is definitely a lesson they need to learn!

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4 thoughts on “Raising a boy to be a man

  1. What a tough lesson! At least your son ‘fessed up in the end … and you know his brother was telling the truth. Those are some pretty big positives in the situation. To me, it sounds like you handled things wonderfully. You’re a super mom!

    • Well, I’m just glad I didn’t lose my temper! Had that been me as a child, I would have receive a big spanking and grounding if my life. I think taking Baby Bear away for awhile is more devious. But we will see in a few years if it worked.

    • Hopefully! One day I hope to teach him honor and how to stand up for what’s right, whether that be for his brother or some random stranger on the street.

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